They ruined my OTP (Personal Post of Why I NO longer ship SpockUhura)
by vickyblueeyez
Summary: I've been quiet. I NO longer ship my OTP Spock/Uhura but it's not why you think. It's due to "Vulcan" like men and their personality disorders.
1. Chapter 1

Summary: I've been quiet. I NO longer ship my OTP Spock/Uhura but it's not why you think. It's due to "Vulcan" like men and their personality disorders.

Notes: Be nice. This is a personal post. Going through a lot.

Part 1/3 - The condensed version

I don't ship it. What? After writing countless fics of them. WHAT?

I've had 3 separate guys, THREE, (HIM, David, and Jason. Probably Frank if I were into Trek in the 90s) in my life describe themselves as being Spock or Spock like. Cold. Robotic. Numb. Dead inside. Guys who choose not to feel, guys who are unaccustomed to feeling, guys who don't know how to deal with their feelings, express their feelings, show their feelings, communicate and so on. And of course I'm always their Uhura.

The guys always knew how much I loved this couple thanks to the nu!Trek Abrams Verse reboots, how they were my OTP and how I "shipped" them. I guess they thought being the Spock to my Uhura would make me happy considering how much fanfic I wrote for them, read about them, the fan art communities I was in dedicated to them, the forums about them and so on. They were an interracial couple that reflected the dynamics of my relationships which was a black woman to non black male.

Maybe I don't want to be Uhura anymore. I don't know how she did it. Even in the second movie she got tired of the Vulcan not showing emotion and not expressing emotion. Because of that he gave off the impression that he didn't care, care about her, them and their relationship, she felt like he didn't and she voiced that. Thus in that movie their relationship was strained, on the rocks and on the verge of ending.

In my fanfic stories and in the fan fic I've read, my Spock was always more expressive or at least to her. She was the one who always saw his more human side. In my stories that's what made her fall for him. He was always more human with her than he was with anyone else. He was different with her, around her. Many considered my Spock's to be OOC, out of character.

I'm tired of Spock's. Where's my Ash Tyler (Star Trek Discovery) with emotions, with feelings, with expression? HUMAN. I don't want to be the Uhura to another Spock. ? ﾟﾏﾽ? ﾟﾘﾢ Where's my Ash Tyler to my Michael Burnham.

#toxicrelationships #toxicrelationship #toxicpeople #toxic #toxicboyfriend #abusiverelationship #abusiverelationships #abusiveboyfriend #emotionallyabusive #emotionallyabusiverelationships #emotionallyabusiveboyfriend #relationshiphelp #relationshipcounseling #badboyfriend #meanboyfriend #liar#asshole #richardprendergast #richardrprendergast #victimblaming #hiddenrelationship #hiddenrelationships #ashamedboyfriend #twofacedpeople #breakups #brokenup #brokenhearted #narcissisticabuse #narcissisticboyfriend #sociopathicabuse

Comments Welcomed


	2. Chapter 2

Longer more emotional version of previous post

Chapter Text

They killed my OTP :(

They killed my OTP (fandom term - original true pairing). I was on the Spuhura ship (Spock/Uhura) since 2009 when the reboots came out. I loved the dynamic of the couple. I loved everything about them...until -I- started being Uhura and dating Spocks, dating Vulcan like men.

Maybe it's because they knew it was my "ship" (ship, a fandom term for a couple you favor) and how I adored them. They would always say I'm Uhura and they are Spock. Maybe it was because we were an interracial couple that had the same dynamic of white guy black woman. After a while, it stops being cute. Men who wear masks. Men who don't share their feelings. Men who aren't in touch with their feelings, who hide them. Men where you have to PRY any show of emotion from them. How things like affection, PASSION is a battle just to get out of them.

I dealt with it with J. Then with D where like, R, the only "emotional response" I could "elicit" was from anger. Only though arguing did I seem to get their raw emotions. Any other time, Mr Silent Treatment. ALL of them. Remember the scene in the movies where the bullies started talking about Spocks mom? It seems with these guys, I had to go through the extremes to get ANYTHING out of them. Extremes like talking of breaking up JUST so I could get an idea of how they felt about me. Even then, they felt very little. Discarding me as if I were trivial. Not fighting for me or us because again, trivial. I didn't matter. They didn't care. If they did care, never showed it.

They aren't affectionate, these Vulcans. Cold. Callous. ROBOTIC. Emotionless. It's draining. I'm TIRED of being the Uhura, their Uhura. I don't want to be any more. I want someone in touch with their feelings, who isn't afraid to express and SHOW ME their feelings. Who isn't "conflicted" as far as feeling or not to feel.

These Vulcans. More than once I've had them tell me that I made them feel things they haven't felt in a long time or aren't used to. As a result, they shut down, shut out and push me away. Me, this thing that has stirred them when all they want to do is be dead inside. I am the enemy, the attacker to their peace, them being numb. So I get cast out because it's "easier" to deal with, they can just turn off having to feel again. I'm tired of that shit. I'm tired of Vulcans all together.

I don't want them. I don't want any more men relating to Vulcans or Mr Spock. I don't want to be another Uhura to another Spock. I need an EMPATH or something.

Thinking of changing all my screen names to things along the lines of I-Don't-Date-Vulcans, Uhura-No-More, or Not-Ur-Uhura.

This used to be my favorite ship. I wrote so much fanfiction of them. Looking back, in all my fics, MY SPOCK definitely had more emotion, more passion, and expressed more to HIS Uhura than the Vulcan's I've dealt with. In my fics, he's different around her. More expressive, more emotional because it's HER. To her, it's like he's completely human. To others, he's just the cold Robot. They aren't like that with me. Even obtaining communication is struggle with them.

I think of the ship, of the characters and now I have a negative association thanks to the real life Vulcans I've encountered.

I'm NOT your Uhura. I WILL NOT BE MONITORING YOUR FREQUENCY.

I don't want to be anyone's Uhura anymore.


	3. Chapter 3

Someone in a Star Trek group on FB asked: What Star Trek character do you most identify with and why?

My reply: Uhura. Why? Because I keep seemingly attracting unemotional , robotic, narcissistic personality disorder Vulcans. They are all so Spocklike. I had three exes identify with Spock. Now, can't stand Vulcans. Need me an empath or something. "What if I don't want to be your Uhura anymore!" I said to one. I want someone that shows emotion. Human. Not someone I have to pry it out of. So many of my ex is related to Spock and called m e their a Uhura due to reboot movies. I'm tired of being her.

Now, can't stand Vulcans. Need me an empath or something. "What if I don't want to be your Uhura anymore!" I said to one.

Adding: Spock a Uhura used to be my OTP. But now when I watch the Star Trek movies, when I see the couple, I think of my exes. I look at Spock in anger now. I can't stand the character now. I also feel sorry for Uhura.

I wonder how she did it. How she put up with it. How she put up with him. In the movie he was half human and I imagine him being more human in private. That he showed her his more human side in private to her.

But if he's anything like my exes which I imagine he is, it was probably like pulling teeth just to get an emotional response out of him which was draining. The whole Mr. mysterious and not knowing what they're thinking, them withholding, the silence treatments and all of that. I just got tired of it.

I want somebody that expresses freely, where it doesn't always have to be an argument just to find out what they were really thinking. I want someone that actually talks about themselves and I don't have to ask 1 million questions. Or them not telling me an answer because I didn't ask the right question.

I've had a Exes go, you're the only one that really knows me. I'm tired of it. They were all so Vulcan like

And it's not like I saw a guy and went, oh he acts like Spock I want that one. No.

Just tired of Spocks

It's hard to ship it when it reminds you of toxic/abusive relationships.

Notes:

Comments welcomed. I've been dealing with abusive/toxic men and toxic abusive relationships. Psychopaths, sociopaths, guys with NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) and so on. These antisocial, introverted, nerdy men, all identifying with Spock. All Spock like. It's been hard and it's not like I "look" for Spocks. I just wanted to update you all on why I don't ship it.


End file.
